First question I have is …are you new to AA. If yes, ask other members for support when older members are hitting on you. If the other members make light of it, please, please find another meeting, perhaps a woman’s meeting and or try alternatives like Smart Recovery or SOS or Woman for Sobriety meetings. They have strict sexual harassment policies.
Scenario #1 Attractive charismatic overly friendly male wants to have coffee with you, asks you lots of personal questions, asks you if you need a ride and or offers to be your sponsor.
I know we can be lonley when we first get sober. But AA is now filled with low level and high risk Predators.
Low Level meaning maybe he is not a criminal or sex offender but he has spent years in AA getting free easy sex from vulnerable new woman (and some men) . There is a female cougar type population in AA as well where sexy mid 40-50 year old AA woman with 2 decades of sobriety also prey on new young handsome men in their 20’s. So guys beware as well.
We recommend saying “NO” to all of the above, walk away from him. Trust your instincts and know that your instincts will improve after a few months. With some of us it can take longer like a year or so to really get in touch with trusting your instincts fully.
And on this point, do not believe what many will tell you that you can’t trust yourself. We are grown adults functioning in society and over and over this is one of the biggest complaints we hear on the blogs…how individuals are incouraged to not only turn their will and their lives over to the care of God, but to listen to a Sponsor”
So we ask…who and what is a sponsor?
As someone who was in AA for 36 year who had many longterm sponsors I say to you now. This is something that barely existed in Hawaii in 1975. A sponsor did not run your life. This form is one of the most insane parts of the what has become the “AA cult”.
The Gay population has a serious undressed problem with this as well.
What is Sexual Battery? It is any unwanted touching in an inappropriate place.
What is sexual harassment? This is lewd sexual comments, unwanted flirting, the constant asking you out when you say no. Asking for hugs and pulling you close in. Wanting to kiss you on the lips when you don’t even know him.
Battery is something we all need to start calling the police right when it happens in the meeting. Dial 911 get the mans full name first and call the police.
Next call the local AA Central Office and file a written complaint.
Next call your AA area chair, and your local AA Delegate and file a written compliant.
Then CALL and email NY General Service Office with lots of highly paid employess and file a written and verbal complaint.
AA all over the country is filled with level 3 sex-offenders and violent criminals as part of their parole.